Here are some bits that came in my dreams, film-ready as always.
All copyright 1973-2024 Tristan Winter
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Ext. Day. City shot from mid-height.
Cut to
Car drives away from curb. People scuttling along a commercial sidewalk.
Pan to
COP standing serenely on the sidewalk with chest puffed in contentment.
A WOMAN runs up to the cop, pulling a MAN along by the hand.
Cut to
M3S. The WOMAN is heaving, red and flustered. The MAN is weeping hysterically.
WOMAN: I’d like to report an insult!
COP: To me?
WOMAN: Ahhh…Yes!
COP: (thoughtfully): 504. That’s serious. Insulting a public official.
WOMAN: Please…
COP: That’s alright, it’s no bother. Just come with me this way. (He walks away)
The WOMAN follows him reluctantly, pulling the sobbing MAN.
WOMAN: Hey! Can you…We didn’t mean to…
Cut to
MS, from front of COP.
COP: You’re doing the right thing. That’s what’s important.
They turn the corner of a cobbled alley and collide together halfway down it, in cold, blue shade.
The COP wrestles open a small metal grate at the ground level of the sidewalk.
COP (squatting down to the opening): If you’d be so good as to follow me…
He gets down on his knees and enters the opening, pulling himself in until he is on his stomach.
Cut to
MS from POV of MAN and WOMAN, watching Cop’s ass and legs squiggle into the opening
The WOMAN, at a loss for an alternative, squats down and proceeds to follow COP in. The MAN lets out a squeal of despair then frantically follows them.
Cut to
CU of COP on his belly, pulling himself with his elbows through a very narrow dirt tunnel with the other two barely seen behind him.
COP (As he struggles through on his elbows): Precinct’s this way, luckily not far at all.
The 3 of them pass through the shot as they worm their way deeper into the passage.
COP (off): Hey, did you guys ever see The Human Centipede?
MAN redoubles his hysterical crying
Cut to
MCU, POV COP. A deep rumbling is heard. Dust and clods begin falling. The tunnel collapses before him
Cut to
CU COP. The tunnel is now ¾ blocked up. Rocks and dirt still crashing down.
COP: It’s ok. It’s alright. Just a cave-in.
He mashes dirt out of his face and paws around trying to create an opening. From the other side of the barrier we can just barely hear music, chiefly thudding bass notes, and much laughing and party noises
COP: Hey! Hellooo! Anybody hear me?
VOICE (Faint. Surprised): Who’s that?
COP: Who’s the duty seargent? I got some people here to report a 504
VOICE: We’re all full up. No way we can process anyone else tonight.
COP: Gimme a break. What’s going on in there?
The music stops for a second then changes.
VOICE: We’re busy…You’ll have to go to the old precinct!
Cut to
MCU from front side angle. COP with exasperated WOMAN behind him, trying to understand the conversation.
COP (To WOMAN): This ain’t regular… (Yelling to the barrier) Is that left or right? I don’t remember.
VOICE: Well…Depends…Which way are you facing?
COP (Muttering): What the hell?!? (Yelling again) How do you imagine to yourself that I’m talking to you?
VOICE: Ha ha! Well…Guess which way I’m facing right now?
WOMAN’S Eyes pop in disbelief. COP tightens his mouth, then sighs.
COP (Trying to look back over his shoulder): We’ll have to go back.
Int. Night. Victorian decor salon.
MLS. LITTLE GIRL is angling up a large telescope directed out the open French doors.
Cut to
MS, from 30 degrees in front of Girl. She adjusts and steps up onto a wooden crate.
Cut to
MCU from front of Girl, halfway along telescope. She places her eye to the eyepiece.
Cut to
Eyehole zoom rush/tunneling shot whizzing around the earth. Ends on:
Eyehole shot of the little girl, seen from behind, peering into the telescope.
Cut to
MCU of Girl from front, her eye still to the telescope.
GIRL: Oooooo!
Cut to
MS of GIRL from 30 degrees front
GIRL (jumping back): Too strong!
She blithely begins readjusting the focus.
Int. Very lived-in apartment/living room.
MLS ¾ view of room. MAN sitting on sofa watching television. The broadcast shows a medium shot of PRESIDENT reading aloud a monotonous speech from the papers he’s holding. We hear his speech uninterruptedly throughout entire bit. All characters’ faces and movements deadpan throughout.
Cut to
CU of man. He makes one slight shake of his head, signifying boredom, or despondency.
Cut to
CU of television broadcasting the PRESIDENT reading his speech.
Cut to
Same 1st MLS of living room with MAN watching PRESIDENT.
MAN grunts up from sofa and wanders off into a small kitchen.
Cut to
Inside kitchen. Camera tracks Man after he enters and goes to open refrigerator. From behind, camera circles almost to front for MCU of MAN looking for a few seconds, then closing refrigerator. Camera then tracks him from side as he moves over to upper cabinets and rummages in one of them. MAN finds some crackers and begins eating one as he brings the pack of them back to the kitchen entranceway. Camera tracks him until he makes slight turn into living room as we see his back as he exits.
Cut to
MS of Man eating from package of crackers as he moves back towards his sofa. As he walks, camera pulls out to same 1st MLS of living room, but now the PRESIDENT is standing, live, where the TV was, continuing his speech.
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Fade In from Dusty Black
Jungle sounds. Strange whoops and exotic bird calls. Comes the sound of thrashing humans.
Ext. Jungle. Day or Dusk.
MLS: A small group of White men and women coming forwards through a jungle. They are all in torn and dirty safari outfits and stumbling.
Camera pulls back to show them entering a very small clearing.
Cut to
MS: They stop to wipe sweat and wheeze. Some of them hold themselves up with their forearms on others’ shoulders. Half of them look around, lost and dismayed at the sight of more jungle all around them.
Suddenly several bursts of automatic gunfire from the surrounding trees.
Cut to
MCU: They freeze at the sound.
Sustained gunfire, louder and now coming from all around them. They all shriek and drop.
Cut to
MS: As the assault continues they roll together and apart, yelling meaningless instructions to each other and squealing.
Cut to
MLS: Now explosions burst close by from all directions on top of the fusillade. More screaming and bucking.
Cut to
MCU: As they huddle and writhe, surrounded by blasts and bullets, the MAN lifts his head and peers up above the camera.
Cut to
CU of the MAN’s despairing face.
Camera pans up a large, tall tree, stopping just below but fully showing a wooden treehouse with paneless windows in it.
Cut to
Int. Treehouse. Same Time.
LS: The flailing group on the ground are seen from within a large window frame. The head and shoulders of a silhouetted figure within darts past.
Cut to
MCU: Of a chimpanzee at a large studio-quality sound board, energetically leaping from end to end, working controls that have obviously been blasting all the sounds from speakers hidden around the clearing. All the while he is hysterically monkey-laughing at his own pranks.
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Int. Day. Large apartment building corridor.
M2S of two very young BOYS whizzing around and laughing.
Cut to
MLS of BOYS popping around and laughing even harder and FAT MAN reacting in rage at whatever the BOYS had previously done. Smoke is roiling out of a doorway behind FAT MAN.
Cut to
MLS from opposite side of corridor a FAT MAN lunges towards BOYS, who chaotically escape him and run laughing out of the frame.
Cut to
MS of BOYS scrambling up stairway until they pass the camera.
Cut to
MS of FAT MAN bursting through stairway door then charging up after the BOYS, until he fills the frame.
Cut to
Ext. MLS of BOYS tumbling through stairway door onto large flat roof with pipes, ventilation humps and clotheslines holding laundry. They double over laughing then scuttle towards the clotheslines. FAT MAN slams through rooftop door then runs out of the frame in the same direction the BOYS did.
Cut To
MCU of BOYS moving around, hiding, but still laughing, behinds hanging bed sheets and other laundry.
Cut to
MCU of FAT MAN from ¾ side flailing around in the hanging laundry.
Cut to MCU of BOYS as FAT MAN finally breaks through laundry and lunges for them again. The BOYS twist and run off.
Cut to
MLS of FAT MAN, from behind, running to various ends of clotheslines, slapping laundry away.
Cut to
CU of FAT MAN from camera POV lunging through sheet, arms outstretched, hands ready to claw onto somebody.
Cut to
MCU from ¾ side of FAT MAN, surprised, falling forwards with arms and hands same as previous shot.
Cut to
MCU ¾ side of FAT MAN, eyes wide, landing hard as his hands grip the ledge of the rooftop of neighboring building.
Ct to LS of FAT MAN from side. He is suspended horizontally between the two high buildings, feet hooked one the ledge of one, hands holding on to the lip of the other.
Zoom in as BOYS appear at the edge of the first roof. They now begin to straddle the FAT MAN and scoot themselves along his back towards his middle.
Cut to
CU of FAT MAN as his eyes almost pop out of his face.
Cut to
MCU of laughing BOYS perched on FAT MAN’s back. One is tickling FAT MAN’s stomach, the other is tickling his armpits.
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NOTE: The mood(s), characters, setting, gist of dialogue, and the final three words are exactly as I dreamed. I did here ‘recreate’ the dialogue up to those last three words. -TW
Int. Day.
MS: A middle-age Man and Woman are sitting on a sofa, not looking entirely tranquil. A sign on the wall just above their heads reads:
Lifestyle Coaches on the Couch
WOMAN: …like we were discussing last week, you need to find the goal of being in a relationship, and that is mostly built on being upfront about your issues: why are you triggered? What is a good ‘safe word’ for postnatal depletion?
MAN: Like everyone else, we’ve been through these impasses…
WOMAN: Nine years…
MAN: Which is why we created and are selling our “All-Or-Nothing Cladosporium Juice and Face Cream.”
WOMAN: But sometimes your life becomes so aspirational that you don’t have time and space to be committed and you have to broker this within your own coupledom.
MAN: Of course we treat our child just as we would a little adult. I mean, these are all choices to be culturally relevant and environmentally conscious, so we openly share them with our child Sorry.
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