THE LOW LIFES

c 1975 Tristan Winter

Ext. Noon. Overhead crane shot of a small city, camera lowering down to frame a main street lined with 2-to-5 story buildings. One the ground floors we see various businesses, including a cinema which abuts a bank on either side of it. All the businesses have apartments on the upper floors.

A good number of citizens are on the street. From the horizon comes a long open-top limousine. As it stops in front of the bank building nearest the camera the frame fills with the passenger -the BANKER- an elderly fat man with a curled walrus moustache dressed in dove vest, swallow-tail coat, and waving a silk top hat. His entourage assist him out of the vehicle.

BANKER gleefully wades into the crowd, which clears apart enough to reveal a banner across the bank reading: GRAND OPENING: SECOND BRANCH. Photographers hustle into position as the camera swings back and to the side just enough so that it is clear the name of the bank is the same as the one on the other side of the cinema. BANKER assumes a triumphant pose on the first step of the bank.

A small dog enters the scene and urinates on the BANKER.

BANKER runs forward to kick the escaping dog. A photographer’s flash explodes in his face.

As the smoke clears, the BANKER is struggling to escape the aides holding him back. His face is scorched. Another aide picks his hat off the ground and sets it on BANKER’s head.

As the dog retreats, camera rolls with it until it arrives at the residential doorway to the apartments above the bank, tracks through it and up and around a few flights of stairs, ending at POET’s door.

Int. Same day. POET’s apartment. POET riding a unicycle in perpendicular circles across floor, up wall, across ceiling, down opposite wall and again the floor. He eventually leaps off and the unicycle careens into a bathroom. POET goes to small kitchen area and leans over the sink to groom himself in a mirror fragment hung above the faucet. He takes something out of his pocket and polishes it. Closeup of his hand holding a glass eye (he has 2 natural eyes in his face). Holds the glass eye facing the mirror as he hand-combs his hair left, then right. Dissatisfied, he returns the glass eye to his pocket and uses both hands to tear his hair upwards.

Below, outside the bank, the MAYOR is proffering a pair of oversized (open) scissors for cutting the Grand Opening banner. BANKER grabs them from MAYOR and makes as through to decapitate him. Aides quickly turn him to the banner.

Medium close-up of BANKER working the scissors and grinding his jaws.

Up in the POET’s apartment again. The POET suddenly turns to check the time on a large wall clock hanging high on the opposite wall. Closeup of the clock as it vomits.

Below again, the BANKER is sawing furiously at the banner.

In the POET’s kitchen, the POET flips down wall-unit ironing board, pulls up an iron and a piece of bread, and begins ironing a piece of toast.

Below again, the BANKER yanks banner caught in scissors and it pulls a column down from the portico. BANKER and aides run from the rubble into the limousine.

Upstairs again, the POET, hearing the crash, turns away to stand and peer out his window. He shrugs, turns back to us and discovers the iron burning through his toast. Disgusted, he hurls iron through the closed window.

Below, the BANKER is standing in limousine berating everyone around. The iron lands directly on the top of his hat and knocks him straight down out of sight.

BANKER emerges from beneath the car with no hat, but with a red iron burn on his head. Everyone helps him out and up, while dusting him off and trying to set his hat (barely more than a brim remains) on his head. BANKER looks up and points. Police CAPTAIN also looks up.

Close-up from street level of POET looking down through his broken window.

The police CAPTAIN leads a charge of his officers up the stairs into the building, BANKER follows them shouting encouragement and threats.

Inside POET’s apartment, Policemen break through the front door and manhandle the surprised POET. CAPTAIN enters followed by BANKER.

CAPTAIN strides past trussed POET and examines the broken kitchen window. He turns around and nods to the BANKER. POET stares, astounded, at BANKER’s burned head. The BANKER begins swiping articles off their places and to the floor, breaking as much as he can. BANKER pauses to catch his breath and looks around to locate more belongings to smash. BANKER gives slight jolt of achievement. Closeup of the unicycle. Closeup of POET startled. He begins to wrestle wildly against the policemen holding him. The BANKER kicks through debris over to the unicycle, takes it and holds it up, announcing: REPOSESSED IN THE NAME OF THE BANK. Full shot of interior of POET’s apartment from front door: BANKER struts out bearing the unicycle, followed by the CAPTAIN, then the policemen. As the policemen disperse, the POET falls to the floor in a faint.

“WILLIE”

This is the only surviving sketch of characters, scenes, sets, and camera setups from the original manuscript.

Ext. Colorstrewn evening. Happy children circling inside cheerful passersby. Pull out to see the children as a group, gently herded by a demurely smiling kindergarten TEACHER in front of a movie theater. She moves the children forwards as they begin to buy their tickets then enter the theater.

We see a dark interior, with some flashlight beams quickly shooting around at sharp angles. A circle of light holds on the combination lock of a large bank safe.

Ext. Evening. WILLIE -a shuffling, slobbering, older man- steps up to a café door, spits, then enters. He is grizzled, with unfocused small eyes. [Throughout the film he chews a cigar stub, and is almost always muttering to himself in an incomprehensible croak.]

Closeup of the spotlit safe. A hand extends, palm up. Other hands open a large tool bag and a stethoscope is put into the waiting hand.

WILLIE hirples up to the café counter, pours himself a mug of coffee, turns around and takes it to a table, where he seats himself like a regular customer.

Closeup of spotlit safe. With the stethoscope pressed to the safe door, several hands begin tapping mallets around it.

WILLIE inadvertently backhands the mug as he reaches for it and spills the coffee all across the table.

Closeup of the safe with the stethoscope. A central hand flaps aside the hands with mallets. Same central hand begins to turn combination dial surely –first one direction, then the other.

A waitress rushes over to repair the damage to the table. WILLIE cheerfully squeezes her as often as he can.

Closeup of the spotlit safe. Central hand pulls the door open to reveal stacks of money bundles inside.

A pair of policemen lift WILLIE up from his chair and walk him out of the café as though this happens every day. WILLIE spits once outside the door, then is led offscreen between the policemen.

Int. Next morning. BANKER’s dining room. He enters fully dressed for breakfast, with a red iron-shaped burn on his head. BANKER looks off and nods with satisfaction. From over his shoulder we see a huge heap of bicycles, with the POET’s unicycle clearly the latest addition. BANKER sits at end of a long table and begins to lift a forkful of what appears to be turkey meat towards his opening mouth. Closeup of phone beginning to ring and hop around. BANKER drops fork out of sight, grabs the phone behind him and barks into receiver: WHAT?

Medium shot, outside first bank (not that of the Grand Opening episode) of police CAPTAIN on phone at the police callbox wildly gesticulating back towards the bank, which has its doors ajar and a team of cops milling in and out of (some are excitedly picking up dollar bills and stuffing them into their uniform shirts). The adjacent cinema and the new bank branch are visible in the far end of the frame.

Inside the BANKER’s dining room. He slaps his head at the news of the bank robbery then recoils in pain. Yells instructions into the phone, slams it down and lurches off, grabbing a new top hat on the way, screeching in agony as he puts it on. He whips it off his head and runs out the door.

Int. Morning. In the kindergarten room. Bright, happy faces; skipping here, running there, hiho chirpchirp all the KIDS are buzzing. They settle into a semi-circle as the TEACHER straightens herself facing the class and uses a pointer to display a large diagram of a safe with pictures of six or seven objects around it. One child raises his hand. TEACHER calls him up. He runs up to the objects and points to a crucifix. TEACHER shakes her head: NO and instead points to a stick of dynamite. The child returns to his place while the other children laugh.

TEACHER primly takes a stack of photocopies from her desk and begins passing them out to the KIDS in front, who each keep one and pass the remaining papers to the child behind them. Close-up of hands holding a floorplan titled: GRAND UNDOING: SECOND BRANCH. One child -SNOTTYBOY FLOYD- raises his hand and demands: WHERE’S OUR CUT? Turning to her desk then back again, the TEACHER begins passing out wrapped bundles of banknotes in the same manner as she did with the photocopies.

A phone begins ringing on her desk, jumping around with each ring. TEACHER answers it and looks dismayed: WHAT? OH NO! GRACIOUS ME!

Inside the police station a Policeman is on the phone to TEACHER speaking at the top of his lung-power as camera pulls back to show WILLIE fighting with several policemen through the bars of his jail cell (hollering, biting, drooling, grabbing noses and crotches).

Int. Kindergarten. TEACHER throws on her shawls and hustles the KIDS out the door.

Inside the police station. The BANKER, wearing his hat, is puffing on his cigar and ending a conversation with the CAPTAIN: FULL EFFORT GEORGE! He walks into the chaos of the main room and sees the TEACHER pleading for WILLIE’s release. BANKER smiles appraisingly at her, then ostentatiously steps up to pay WILLIE’s bail. As he is doing that, the KIDS ransack his pockets.

TEACHER (yelling: FATHER!) and KIDS run to WILLIE as the shredded policemen fearfully open his cell door. BANKER appears between the embracing TEACHER and WILLIE, and genially offers WILLIE a cigar. WILLIE, delighted, takes it and in exchange offers BANKER the used cigar stub from his mouth. They all walk towards the exit of the police station, WILLIE eyes the BANKER, who eyes the TEACHER. As they reach the exit, the KIDS –after being sweet when it was necessary- make horrific faces at the policemen.

Outside on the main street, TEACHER and KIDS (with ice cream cones) are waving goodbye to the banker. He bows and doffs his hat. KIDS all point at his iron-burned head and fall around laughing. BANKER grimaces has he quickly puts his hat back on, the storms out of the frame. WILLIE spits.

Ext. Same day. BANKER walks up to and in his front door.

Int. Same day. POET running in perpendicular circles in his apartment, across floor, up wall, across ceiling, down opposite wall and again the floor. He stops and despairs at the futility of it. Paces around. Pulls glass eye from his pocket and holds it at arm’s length –facing him- while he embarks on a ‘dialogue’ of indecisiveness versus need. Finally, in misery, he puts the eye away and leaves the apartment.

In the BANKER’s dining room: Medium close-up as he raises a forkful of  meat to his mouth. Shot of a bell ringing besides the interior of his front door. Medium shot of BANKER lowering his fork and setting it on an immense platter, on which is a complete, cooked, but recognizable human body pierced all over with large knives. The POET comes through the dining room door in woe, drops to his knees to plead with BANKER for mercy. BANKER, outraged, grabs a handful of knives and throws them at POET. The knives stick in the wall behind POET, outlining him as in a circus act. The POET ducks to the floor and flees.

BANKER storms over to phone and calls the police CAPTAIN. Having to come up with some justification, he claims to have been robbed. CAPTAIN asks: OF WHAT NOW? BANKER looks all around for an idea, sees his mountain of repossessed bicycles, and says: A UNICYCLE. Slams down phone, marches over to pile of bikes, hauls out POET’s unicycle and throws it out a window.

Int. Evening. TEACHER’s home. WILLIE sits in central armchair, contently muttering and chewing his cigar. KIDS are waiting in two rows. TEACHER walks down the rows passing out various valises and tools to them. She kisses WILLIE on the forehead. The KIDS all wave goodbye to ‘uncle’ WILLIE and are herded out the door by TEACHER.

Ext.Night. TEACHER appears from around corner, with KIDS behind her. She looks surprised, then gestures for them to be quiet.

We see the new bank and the cinema, with TEACHER and a few of the KIDS pressed back into shadows around a corner while a half-dozen policemen are patrolling the perimeters of the cinema –on the side of the first branch bank- crouching and prodding for possible tunnels. On the near side of the cinema are a few policemen standing guard below the portico of the new branch, which has a large jack and wooden beams holding up the roof where the destroyed column was. CAPTAIN hangs up callbox phone and returns a few steps to the cinema to update the rest of the officers and tell them to remain alert for evidence or signs of trouble.

TEACHER withdraws further back into the corner shadows.

POET, who has been standing with his face against a streetlight, now turns, walks up to CAPTAIN and asks: WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS WEEPING HOUR? The officer looks at his watch. Extreme closeup of a large tongue. Officer rubs his eyes then looks up at POET unable to answer. POET now realizes this is the CAPTAIN and runs off. CAPTAIN looks behind him to see what scared POET, sees nothing there, then runs off in pursuit of POET, waving for all the other policemen to join him.

TEACHER and KIDS trot onto the main street and up to the (new) bank entrance. TEACHER sets SNOTTYBOY FLOYD up front, where he uses the key he had pick-pocketed from the BANKER at the police station to open the bank door. KIDS rush inside, followed by TEACHER who shuts the door after a quick glance up and down the street.

POET running down a street, leaning at improbable angle.

Closeup of a flashlight switching on, showing the bank’s new safe. One hand chalks an O, another adds two dots for eyes and a curved line smile. Another hand lifts a large drill into the shot, aiming at the center of the O.

Policemen running along a street.

Same closeup of spotlit bank safe as the drill ceases and pulls away. A hand brings up a stick of dynamite from lower angle of the frame and inserts it into the hole made by the drill.

POET runs into a small side alley.

Same closeup of bank safe: From all angles of the frame many hands enter the shot with lit matches. Central hand swats them away, allowing just one to light the fuse of the dynamite.

In alley. Policemen running past the alley opening as POET continues his run down the alley, then stops, wide-eyed.

Closeup of bank safe as the frame is filled with an explosion.

Closeup of POET’s unicycle lying somewhat crumpled among trash cans. Expand shot as POET darts over to pick up his unicycle, cleaning it, hugging it and holding it up in admiration.

Closeup of bank safe as hands from all side of the frame grab fistfuls of money from the now open safe. Pull out to show they belong to the excited KIDS, proudly watched over by TEACHER as she instructs the calmer ones to put the money into satchels and the tools neatly back in their bags.

Outside the front of the bank the policemen run into the shot and, panting, look around the streets with their backs to the bank door. POET cycles into shot behind them and darts into the bank. One policeman notices him and raises arm for all to come with him inside. POET, looking alarmed, immediately cycles back out of the doors –out of which smoke is now billowing- and takes off down the street again. The police skid to a stop then swivel around to chase him, thus turning their backs again to the door. As the policemen pick up their feet to start their pursuit, the KIDS all run out of the bank in a long, laughing jumble, trampling the policemen.

The TEACHER steps out of the bank, closes and locks the door, and blithely steps over the pile of policemen, heading off in the same direction the KIDS went.

Ext. Night. Quiet area of sleeping city. TEACHER waves goodbye to KIDS. They all depart one direction while the TEACHER leaves in the other.

Ext. Night. Rural crossroad. POET walking his unicycle. He rests for a moment then looks up to the top of a hill and sees a couple of figures in elk masks enacting a ballet. He wanders away from camera up the hill. TEACHER, walking along road, looks up and sees same ballet and, after a pause, turns off to walk towards it. POET and TEACHER meet at top of hill where dancers continue their ballet. Absorbed by the moonlit performance, they sit down together to watch. He soon chivalrously unpockets his glass eye and hands it to her. She accepts it, looks it over fondly –as a thing of purity and beauty- and smiles at him. Fade out.

Int. Morning. BANKER’s bedroom. Bedside phone rings and leaps about. BANKER and his MAID in the bed. Phone ringing and hopping. BANKER wakes up and answers phone: WHAT?!? He slams the receiver down and runs out of the shot. MAID, still in bed, examines herself and finds full bite marks all over her body. She looks around at the bed and the room’s complete mess and sighs.

Ext. Morning. Hilltop. POET and TEACHER asleep besides each other (fully dressed). TEACHER awakens smiling, looks around. Hilltop shows only dawning nature –no dancers or other creatures. Rising to her knees, she brushes off her clothes, kisses POET and exits off screen. TEACHER re-enters the shot, kisses POET again, then skips out of the picture again. This happens four more times.

Int. Morning. TEACHER’s house. WILLY looks under her still-made bed for her. Straightening up and peering dumbly around her room, he suddenly remembers the BANKER [a vision of him appears before his eyes]. WILLIE twirls around with his arms and fists extended, then storms out to clobber the BANKER.

Ext. Same morning. Policemen standing around front of the (new) bank. BANKER comes running up, barely dressed (the policemen hold their noses). Banker pushes the policemen aside and pulls out a huge ring of keys. While trying around 10 keys or so, he is demanding details from the policemen. One insists he doesn’t know. The other mentions a stampede, which the BANKER repeats incredulously, angry at the man’s idiocy. The BANKER turns back to the keyhole.

POET enters on his unicycle, eating an apple, and asks one of the policemen for the time. Policemen looks at his watch. BANKER tries to insert a big key into the keyhole. The keyhole becomes fuzzy and shimmies around. BANKER, grinding his eyes, turns away from the door, sees POET and yells THAT’S HIM!

The policemen leap on the POET. The unicycle rolls clattering away out of view.

Suddenly everyone stops and looks towards the camera in alarm.

WILLIE is a few yards away from them all, hollering and beating his chest.

BANKER grabs a policeman’s gun and fires it at WILLIE.

WILLIE beats his chest, grabs the pistol and eats it in a one quick chomp.

BANKER and the policemen run away. The POET stands in place, his teeth chattering. WILLIE looks blankly at the POET.

Around a corner, the fleeing BANKER and policemen run into another group of policemen, led by the CAPTAIN, who they rouse and immediately turn back towards the bank with.

WLLIE and the POET as before, but WILLIE is now contentedly smoking his cigar stub. As the BANKER and the augmented squad of policemen rush from around the corner and towards them, WILLIE grabs the POET by his shirt and hoiks him through a large pair of ornate church doors.

Int. Church. WILLIE rapidly pulls POET up the main aisle of the church and winds through several rows of praying monks, all with tonsured heads.

Ext. Church entrance. BANKER and policemen push in through the double doors.

WILLIE shoves POET between two monks, then pushes his way in besides him.

BANKER and policemen inside the church entrance, blinking, trying to see into the church. BANKER rattles the CAPTAIN and demands WELL? WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!?

CAPTAIN looking at the mass of shave-headed monks (POET and WILLIE are glaringly distinguishable) frets: WE MIGHT HIT ONE OF THE CONGREGATION.

At insistent sign from BANKER, the policemen begin shooting into the church, picking off the nearest four rows, the monks dropping as they’re shot, one-by-one, in perfect order left to right along each row, until the next bullets would obviously be for the exposed WILLIE and POET (who now glance back somewhat concerned).

In the doorway, the policemen and BANKER stop shooting as the church starts to tremble and violently shake.

From the BANKER’s perspective we see a train crash through the walls of the church and roll through it at full speed, from left to right, between the policemen and WILLIE and the POET. When the train has passed, we see through the dust that WILLIE and the POET are gone.

Ext. Outskirts of city. Train rushes along a curve, coming at ¾ angle to camera, from upper right to lower left, so that we’re viewing the right side of it. WILLIE is hanging off the side, mad with joy. The POET is stretched up to a window where the TEACHER is covering him with kisses while trying to pull him inside. In the other open windows are the KIDS, waving back at the city, thumbing their noses at it, etc.

Inside the locomotive, SNOTTYBOY FLOYD is cackling crazily as he drives the train.

Camera tracks past SNOTTYBOY FLOYD, down the center of the train towards the caboose, passing KIDS laughing, running, smoking, and jumping up and down on seats. WILLIE grins in profile outside a window. TEACHER and POET embrace and stroke each other’s hair. More antic KIDS. As camera reaches the end of the train we come outside to the unicycle following on the tracks at same speed -as though attached to train but actually pedaling along of its own volition- with all the foregoing passing down out of view and leaving only a long shot of the receding city.

FADE OUT